Chile Rellenos; 2 Ways

My mom was intimidated by Mexican food, but she loved to eat it. Only problem there was that she never did learn how to eat a taco without splitting the bottom of the shell. And try as I did to show her how to eat a burrito, it would always fall apart and she would then eat it with fork and knife, just as she did with a taco crumbled all over her plate. And try as I did to teach her how to make a simple cheese quesadilla, she would feign helplessness and pout for me to make it for her. If her Mexican gardener would gift her with a rice burrito in a soft tortilla, she was jazzed. But, whenever I offered to make burritos for dinner, she would protest," I don't like RAW tortillas. I want it fried ". No "please", no "thank you". No way, no how. JUST DO IT! Despite that I told her, many times, that an un-fried flour tortilla wasn't "raw", she would call me a liar and accuse me of trying to feed her "crap". But, see, what that was really about was that she couldn't hold a burrito right to save her soul, but she could eat a fried burrito with a fork and not feel foolish. For her, eating tacos and burritos with a fork was written in stone.

My late best girlfriend of 21 years wouldn't eat onions, bell peppers, or spicy food. Because when she was a kid, her mother would frequently make a slosh of hamburger meat with bell peppers and onions and force her to eat it. By "force", I mean that her mother would push her face into the food on the plate. And if Kathy still wouldn't eat it, her mom would grab her by the hair, drag her down the hall and beat her silly with a hairbrush. Great way to get a kid to eat something she has learned to hate.
I do have to brag that I got Kathy to taste my spaghetti sauce, onions and all, and she was totally surprised to find that she liked it. A new toy! I was highly amused by her food choices. Once a week, we would go out for Mexican food, and she would always pick the gringa food at Poncho Villa's, and she would always order only a cheese quesadilla because it was 'safe'. I would rather have gone to Tiny's, where the salsa was so greatly hot that it would burn the tongue if you weren't used to truly hot food. But that was 30 years ago and Tiny passed away. And I'm no longer into luncheon masochism...My stars, how I do miss that woman.
Mr. P is the barbeque meister at our house. Come to think of it, every man who grills thinks he is the greatest at it. It has been my experience that their chicken is underdone and their meat is way overdone and dry. It pisses me off to have to eat the stuff. But, I can truthfully say that Mr. P does perfect steaks and ribs, and snapper wrapped in bacon, and the burning of chiles so that I can easily peel the skins off for burgers, rellenos, and steaks.

I have tried different ways to burn the chiles for peeling off the skins. Dry pan on the stovetop, and the oven broiler, and the toaster oven broiler. But it really is best when they are done on the grate over the coals. The skins peel off without tearing the peppers, and the chore takes mere minutes as opposed to an hour using the other methods. And...and..oh, those peppers smell so much better than the dull results that 'the kitchen way' brings.
Here, you will see the rellenos cooked two ways; baked and fried. Pasillas baked, Anaheim fried, same batter recipe, and two ways to burn the skins for peeling. Believe me, it matters how they are burned, especially if you are going to fry them in deep grease. It really sucks when the cheese slice falls through the bottom and into the hot grease because the chili is torn and won't hold the cheese. You can wrap a torn, stuffed chili with a strand of the pepper, but that's no guarantee the cheese won't fall out. Should you choose to fry yours (my favorite), use caution. I have been badly burned a dozen times. Some of us are so focused on retrieving the fallen cheese that we forget not to put our fingers into the oil. Oh yeah, I did that.

When choosing the chilis at the store, try to get them as ripe as possible without wrinkly skins. Pasillas are fatter and thicker than Anaheims. They are a blackish dark green. Anaheims can really mess with your mind when all you have to choose from are curly. aHA! Another reason to do them on the BBQ where the heat gets evenly distributed. Pick the biggest, flattest ones you can find. Pasillas grow quite a bit bigger, not hard to find. Their flavor is much different from the Anaheims, and their aroma is less desirable, but the Mexicans love them all just the same. And I learned from Mexicans in southern California. No vatos. No essay. Few things are as endearing to me as two of the ancient ones in a bar, slow and stupid with the tequila and a stashed flask of El Presidente, swapping recipes and kissing their fingertips to express their delight with the food. By the gleam in their eyes, you would think they were telling tall tales of short whores.

CHILI RELLENOS - baked

4 Pasilla Chiles, skins off
4 eggs, seperated
1/4 tsp. salt
1 Tbsp. sugar
2 Tbsp. all-purpose flour
4 slices of Jack or Cacique cheese, cut 1/4" thick and 1" wide, slightly shorter than the chilis

1. With these, I used the toaster oven on high, 450F. Do not use foil in a toaster oven! Just place on the small rack in the roasting pan and place in the middle of the oven.
2. Toast until color starts to darken and turn over a few times during roasting with tongs, and burn the chilis all the way around, sides included.

Get them as black as possible. They will puff and bubble, hiss and pop, and fill your kitchen with wonderful aroma. This will take about 20 to 30 minutes. Remove from toaster oven and let cool to room temperature. Place them in the fridge, uncovered, to chill for a few hours, or cover loosely with foil and keep in fridge overnite.
3. When ready to use them, take chiles out of fridge and peel the skins off with your fingers.Roll peppers back and forth between your thumb and forefinger tip to loosen them up and partially part them from the skin. You can peel big portions at a time, or you might have to peel in little bits. Be careful not to rip the peppers open. If this happens, don't lose heart.These will be baked on a parchment-lined baking sheet and you can take a strand of the pepper and wrap it around the the intact part of the chili when it's stuffed with the cheese.
4. Meanwhile, remove eggs from the refrigerator and let stand at room temperature for 30 min.
5. Without lifting them, slice the tops off the peppers and gently remove the seeds, as much as is possible but you need not be anal about it. The peppers are slippery, and so I place my finger about 1/2" from the top and gently push down and slide up to the top to squeeze the seeds out. Gently slide in the cheese slice, one per pepper. Set aside.

6. Preheat oven to 450F with rack in center of oven. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or silpat.
7. Seperate eggs, being careful not to get yolk in the whites. Check for stray shell bits and remove them. They will cling to a shell and come out of the goo much easier than trying to chase them with a finger or a spoon. Pour the egg whites into the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment. Starting on low speed, beat the egg whites for 30-45 seconds. Add salt and turn speed up to medium high for 2 minutes. Turn speed to high. When the whites gain volume and get to really white, gradually sprinkle in the 1 Tbsp. sugar, and beat until glossy and stiff, about 4 to 5 minutes.
8. While the mixer is beating the whites, add 1 1/2 to 2 Tbsp. flour to the yolks in a bowl and mix well with a fork. Mixture will be a little lumpy.

9. When whites are whipped and ready (stiff), remove bowl. Remove whisk and conk on bowl to dislodge egg whites into bowl. Gently pour in egg yolks/flour mixture and gently fold into egg whites being careful not to collapse the whites.

10. Place a stuffed pepper into the batter and coat generously. Remove with slotted spoon and place on lined baking sheet. Do this with each stuffed pepper and place a couple of inches apart if your baking sheet is big enough. If not, don't worry, just place 1" apart instead.

11. Bake for 7 minutes, until puffy and golden. Baked rellenos are dry compared to the fried ones. You really want to serve them in a chosen sauce. My quick sauce is in the recipe below.

CHILE RELLENOS - fried

5 Anaheim chiles, skins off
5 eggs, seperated
1/2 tsp. salt
1 Tbsp. + 1 1/2 tsp. sugar
3 Tbsp. flour
Vegetable oil or lard for frying (do NOT use olive or other low-heat oil)
5 slices Jack or Cacique cheese, 1/4" thick, 1' Wide, sorter than chiles

1. Bring barbeque to low coal. With tongs, place chiles on grill. Turn every 5 minutes to blacken evenly all the way around. They will puff up and blister and pop a bit. This should take about 30 minutes. When done, with tongs place peppers on plate and let cool to room temperature.Cover loosely and refrigerate overnight.
2. Remove chiles from fridge and follow directions in recipe above for prep.
Prepare the sauce, or you can use store-bought Pace Picante or green chile sauce, whatever you like.
For quick, homemade sauce:
1 14.5-oz. can tomato sauce
1 tsp. cumin, or more to taste
1 1/2 tsp. chili powder, more or less to taste
1 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. garlic salt
2 good pinches of salt
2 tsp. white vinegar
3/4 tsp. vegetable oil
1/4 cup minced yellow onion

1. In a small bowl, mix all the ingredients together. Pour into clean frying pan and simmer for about 5 minutes. Turn off heat and let sit.
2. Put vegetable oil or lard into large frying pan to about 1"- 1 1/2" deep. Heat on medium high to 375F. To test for readiness, immerse tip of wooden spoon into oil. If the oil immediately fizz-bubbles against the wood, it is ready for frying the rellenos.
3. Gently place two rellenos, or three, into the oil. When egg underneath is golden and cooked, use two slotted spoons, or one spatula and a slotted spoon to turn them over. This is where it gets just a little tricky, as they will resist being turned over.So, ease up the heaviest side to turn it. If the cheese and/or the cheese and pepper fall out to the bottom, scoop underneath it to lift up off the bottom of the pan and hold it there until done, about 40 seconds.

When done, place rellenos on plate and do the last two or three, and then place on plate and set aside.
5. In seperate large frying pan, have your sauce heated up and place all the rellenos into the sauce. Reheat for a minute (they will puff up again). Plate with the sauce poured over them. Enjoy as they are, or serve with Spanish rice and refried beans. I prefer Zatarain's Spanish Rice mix because it's got a great tang.

The manner of dimentia and the patience of a saint...

My Dutch grandmother was a woman above reproach. When she and Grandpa parted, she never so much as dated ever again. Men were tyrants or rascals, no in between. She was a deeply religious, stern and serious woman who wouldn't say "shit" if she had a mouthful. Often, she would scowl and raise that eyebrow so very high. She liked living alone. Her house was meticulously clean, her yard and flower gardens were healthy, and neat as a whistle. And she never wore slacks. Only floosies wore pants. And in conversations, if you weren't speaking only of The Lord, then you were doing the Devil's work. In other words, there wasn't a more perfect person than her for this funny thing to happen to.
No one in their right mind would accuse her of any untoward sins. Upon meeting new people or your friends, the first question (which was moreso an inquiry) would always be,"What church do you go to?" She would disarm you with her handsome smile, and if you said you were Catholic, that sweet expression would quickly shift into her scowl of disapproval. Oh yes, you felt it, all right. She was intense, as Scorpios tend to be.
Jeanette was a registered nurse in a convalescent hospital. The resident parrot in the lobby would squawk and whistle with delight when she reported for work,"Mrs. Van!..Mrs. Van!" I was quite jealous of Grandma's mojo with that bird.

There was a new female patient in her wing, a case of extreme dimentia, and she was always giving Grandma a rough time of it. An angry and hostile woman who Grandma would agonize over when we would give her a ride home from work. I was privy to this episode of her career and I wondered why on earth anyone would want to be a nurse in a place such as that. Every day, this woman would accuse Grandma of trying to steal her husband. Mom and Jim and I were hysterical with laughter that anyone could think such a thing about her, of all people. She was hurt and infuriated by it and she didn't understand why we thought it was so funny. Heathens we were, slated to burn in Hell at birth.
One day, she'd had quite enough of this nasty old woman who, once again, accused her of trying to steal the husband. Grandma looked the woman dead in the eyes and said," Now, you know better than that. I would never do that to you". The woman fired back," Well, it wouldn't do you any good, anyway. He's been dead for twenty years!"
I'm sure it was a dead goldfish moment.

There is nothing new about cooking chicken or fish in Wishbone Italian Dressing. Despite that many know about it, there are just as many who don't. It can be fried or baked. I prefer it fried because it is more zingy than baked. Either way, what looks like 'burned' isn't really. It makes the most delicious skin! But here, we will go with it baked with special potatoes.
I don't know where the recipe originated. Mother made it , 30 years ago, and it is still one of my favorite ways to eat chicken. Mind you, it must be Wishbone brand Italian Dressing.Over 30 years, I have found that none of the other brands I've tried have that special "zing". And you will be amazed how tender it makes the yardbird.
The potato butterflies came from one of those recipe cards that come in the mail, to tempt you into joining a recipe club. I found it in Mother's recipe box, one of the many she never tried. My mother hated cooking, and her baking never came out right. It was because she wouldn't grasp that there is a difference between dry and liquid measuring cups. Time and time again there were tears and frustration over her latest flop, and I would reiterate that you don't measure flour or sugar with a liquid measuring cup. She saw this as an opportunity for one-upmanship rather than as a helpful tip. Easier to snip and snap,"Well, I'VE never heard that before, so, it can't be true"....Moms piss me off, sometimes.

BAKED CHICKEN AND POTATO BUTTERFLIES in WISHBONE ITALIAN DRESSING
Serves 4

4 large chicken thighs (leave skin on)
1/3 bottle of Wishbone Italian salad Dressing
4 whole potatoes, peeled and rinsed
1/2 stick (1/4 cup) butter, salted or unsalted, and melted (or 1/4 cup garlic olive oil)
One huge clove of Elephant garlic, sliced thin or roughly chopped, if using the oil
Light olive oil, if using instead of melted butter for potatoes
Fresh parsley, chopped fine for garnish (if dried, sprinkle on potatoes to bake)

1. One day ahead, make the garlic olive oil, if using instead of butter for potatoes. In a small, clean jar with a lid, pour in light olive oil to desired fullness. Thinly slice and, if you like, chop roughly. Add to the oil. Attach lid and place in cupboard, and allow to infuse for 24 hours. Then take a big whiff and do the Happy Dance.
Preheat oven to 350F with rack in middle of oven.
2. Squirt a little Wishbone in bottom of casserole baking dish. The dish should be only large enough to snugly fit the potatoes and chicken thighs. Place chicken thighs in dish atop the little bit of dressing. Set aside.
3. Peel and rinse off the potatoes and pat dry with a paper towel. Place one potato alongside a wooden spoon on cutting board. Hold securely in place with one hand and using a large knife, gently slice 1/8" to 1/4" sections, as you desire, meeting the knife blade to the wooden spoon to prevent cutting too far through the potato.

Be extra careful not to cut the tips off. If you do, it won't ruin the potato, but it will lose its poetry in presentation. Do this with all 4 potatoes and place, sliced sides up, in casserole with the chicken thighs. Slightly fan out the potatoes and with a spoon,drizzle the garlic oil or melted butter over them and in between the sliced sections. If using dried parsely flakes, sprinkle just a little over the potatoes. It's okay to scoop a few garlic pieces out of the jar and place on top of the potatoes, if you like. Over chicken only, squirt Wishbone, enough to coat tops and sides. Coat only; do not fill the dish.

4. Bake, uncovered, for one hour, 10 minutes more if chicken isn't done. Skins should be browned, and any blackened areas are fine. 15 minutes before it is done, squirt more Wishbone on the chicken, and baste the potatoes with the bubbling chicken fat, then put back into oven until done. Check the potatoes at 40 minutes into the baking, and if they are getting too brown, loosely cover casserole dish with foil until chicken is done.If using fresh parsley, sprinkle it over the potatoes at this time.

Great minds think alike...

For instance,...food bloggers. Just a 'for instance', mind you. Late one night I got a craving for something sweet and refreshing and thought about red grapefruit, ice cold, sprinkled with sugar, of course. "Ice cold....ice....fruit...SORBET!" In fact, what a cool recipe for this blog. Of all sorbet recipes I'd seen, there were none for grapefruit. Excited by this, I stayed awake for a few more hours to draft out some comments and figure out how I could present it so that, even if you don't eat grapefruit, you would see pictures of this recipe and REALLY...WANT IT. ... Oh, you KNOW you want it...
And so I turn in, thinking all is well on the blog front, and I am free to sleep and dream sweet dreams. And then, come morning ... you know the drill,.. ya get out of bed feeling all quacky and everything seems ducky. You sit down to your computer with that first blush cup of hot tea, or that earthy coffee smell that whispers "Daddy" and wafts around you like a corduroy hug and fills the room with a cigar-green feeling with the jazz sax in the background, and... never mind. Some coffees can be excellent, that's all.... You jump online and do the daily rounds to see what other bloggers are doing. We all become blog sluts, hopping around for a new favorite. A seedy side of life, it is. But any blogger worth his or her weight HAS TO do this.... Anywhoozle, I go to one of my favorite blogs and..WTF...THERE IT IS. Grapefruit sorbet in all its splendor, looking me in the eye, getting up in my face,... and Daddy's sax turns into a kazoo.
Oh but, this isn't the first time that this blogger beat me to a great idea. Grrrr.
No time to lollygag with cold, hard facts cuz' I'm on a mission. Twenty more blogs reveal in repetition and I get to thinking these women are winos who party together and pass around copies of the same recipe to post the next day after they have had a good laugh of it. How many recipes can there be for chocolate cupcakes? I counted at least 50 in one day. (That must have been some party!) And I have seen hundreds more for carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. The macaron craze seems to have petered out a bit. I guess the home bakers grew some nads and said,"I'm mad as hell. And I'm not baking this crap anymore!!"

As they say, when life deals you a lemon, just add vodka. They Who Say can get away with it. But there is an upside to all of this. Each of us owns our own piece of Blogdom, far away and separate from our professional worlds, usually. We come together on a wavelength sitting at our computers, working the levers and handles and the bells and whistles like Oz Wizard in a digital haze of smoke and mirrors. It's like a carnival, but with more cheese. If I could make the food dance, it wouldn't be long before the men in the white coats and U.N. badges come haul me away. But not for the reasons you are thinking.
Wavelengths are quite real and some of us go swimming in them. Floating about in a sea of cupcakes isn't an unpleasant thing, after all. And so I think that I am shooting clever to the moon when it puckers down into a pink one and off I go like a fart in a high wind. What else happens when your bubble bursts? With all of the recipe possibilities an alumni chef has to choose from, why the very one I'm about to post? Gotta be brainwaves, and one or both of us has a strong receiver. In ways we do seem to think alike. Poor man.
And so, this posting berths a wide turn with Triple Chocolate Biscotti. And if he beats me to the punch again, I will learn how to cry in French.

TRIPLE CHOCOLATE BISCOTTI
(Pink Elephants Coffee Cafe)

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter,softened
1 cup sugar
4 medium eggs
2 tsp. vanilla

1 Tbsp. espresso
1 Tbsp. baking powder
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup Dutch-processed cocoa powder, sifted

1/2 cup very dark chocolate chips
1/2 cup milk chocolate chips
1/2 cup premier white chocolate chips
3/4 cup dried cherries, cut in half
1 cup blanched almonds, coarsely chopped

1. Place racks on lower and upper thirds of oven and preheat to 350F.
2. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper; on undersides of one paper, measure and mark out two rectangles, 2" x 10" or 3" x 9". Do one rectangle on second sheet, or line a biscotti pan with the paper. (I used both to show you the difference in sizes.)

3. Into medium bowl, measure out chocolate chips, halved dried cherries, and chopped blanched almonds. Toss with fingers to mix up and set aside.

4. In large bowl, measure out flour, baking powder, sifted cocoa and espresso. Whisk together to mix well. Set aside.

5. In bowl of stand mixer, cream butter and sugar, scraping down sides. Add eggs, one at a time and mix thoroughly after each one. Add vanilla and mix in well.
6. In four increments, add flour mixture, and scrape down sides to be sure to mix thoroughly.
7. Remove from mixer. Stir in chocolate chips, nuts and cherries mixture making sure all is evenly distributed.
8. Form dough onto parchment, following guidelines underneath. Dough will be very sticky, so work quickly. To estimate how much dough per log you will need, divide into three portions.

9. Bake the logs 15-16 min. If using a biscotti pan, bake it for 20-25 min., as the dough will
be thicker in the middle. The logs should not be soft or gooey, and they shouldn't be dry.

10. Remove from oven and let cool 10-15 min. Doing one log at a time, place on cutting board and with a serrated knife and one deft stroke, slice on the diagonal into 1" slices. (You don't want to saw back and forth, as that would tear up the biscotti.) Place the slices, cut side down back onto the parchment-lined sheets. If you used a biscotti pan also, line a third sheet with parchment and place pieces onto it, cut side down.
11. Return to oven and bake an additional 15 min., being careful not to burn the biscotti.
12. Remove from oven and let cool completely.
note: I store mine in a one gallon glass jar with a screw-on lid. These should keep well for up to 7 days,... if they last that long.

RANDY BRANDY RAISIN CANDY ICE CREAM

What this title breaks down into is Dark Chocolate Ice Cream with Farmer Boys and Chili Chocolate Chunks. Whew! That was a mouthful.
We start out with an old Ducth recipe for Boere Jongens. This translates into "Farmer Boys". Yes, another recipe from Grandmother Jeanette's kitchen. The French would call it massicated fruit. As romantic as the French language sounds, that isn't a good example of it. This recipe especially interested me because Grandma's idea of alcohol was to "take a little" by way of 1 Tablespoon at bedtime. And she only did this until an insufferable part of menopause had passed, for Grandma never did 'hit the sauce'.
These babies are raisins boiled to a plump, drained loosely and put into jars, soused in brandy with a cinnamon stick for at least 2-2 1/2 weeks. And it is well worth the wait. Hey, Lekker! Is it ever.

BOERE JONGENS

2 lbs. dark raisins
2 cups sugar
Water for soaking and boiling (use same water for both)
One stick cinnamon per jar
750 ml Christian Brothers or E & J Brandy, (or a good quality whiskey)

1. In a collander, wash the raisins thoroughly. Rinse and rinse and rinse, stirring the raisins around with your fingers, until no more flecks show up in the sink. Set aside and let drain.
2. Put raisins into deep, stainless steel pot and cover to 2" above raisins with lukewarm water. Set aside and let soak for several hours (about 4 hours).
3. Add sugar and stir it up.

4. Bring to just below the boiling point, then simmer slowly for 10-15 minutes to plump them up. Remove from heat and cool to lukewarm. When ready, drain by 90% and discard water. Put into a very big jar (1 gallon) or a few regular jars 2/3 full and add a stick of cinnamon into each jar. If you use one big jar, use two sticks. Fill jar(s) almost to brim with the brandy. Give it a gentle stir to incorporate all raisins, then cover with airtight lid, or almost airtight.

5. At the very least, these should should be aged in 2 weeks. They are even better at 2 1/2 weeks. Keep in a cool, dark place, but NOT the refrigerator.
Note: You will be using only 2 cups of the raisins in the ice cream. You can use the remainder as is, served up elegantly in crystal stemware with a pretty spoon. Or you can mash it up in a blender and add to cake batter or filling, or cookie dough. If making filled cupcakes, you can fill the plug holes with drained raisins, or mix them up with Bavarian cream and fill in the plug holes. You choose.

HOMEMADE ICE CREAM vs. STORE-BOUGHT: Seaweed and anti-freeze?
I am one of those people who, when asked to come up with flavors for macarons or ice cream, can rattle off several ideas in a mere minute. Some ideas will stick long enough to write them down while others vaporize in a senior moment.
This particular ice cream recipe came to me as I was torturing my dear friend Meesh Buddha over the telephone with food thoughts. When I got to the chili chocolate chunks, she laughed out a somewhat half-meant, "STOP IT!" (You know you want it, Meesh.) What she meant was that it was making her hungry, and she had to wait until her next trip down the mountain summit into the city to buy the good stuff. And, well, why waste time making it when she could simply pop off the lid and dig right in? I can always rely on her for common sense, after all. It seems odd to lump in an artist with common sense. But please to know that she is one hell of an artist with the vision to get things done rather than lollygag into minutae which is only appreciated by the ones who would pick it all apart anyway, unable or unwilling to see the forest for the trees. She even knew the secret to the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test and painted the bus. (The secret being that there was no LSD in the Kool-Aid.) And back in those days, many a hippie tried and failed to make an homemade ice cream beyond slop in those wooden churn buckets. Come to think of it, hippies were the only ones I knew who experimented with ice cream,...along with other things.
Today, we have ice cream making machines for the home kitchen and recipes taught by hatted chefs, and great bakers and fabulous food photographers with food blogs, and recipe books authored by all three said types of fun persons to learn from. And I adore them all for different reasons because I am an artist who complicates things. The reasons have to be different, otherwise I would grow bored, move on, and miss out. As Baskin Robbins or Ben & Jerry's can tell you, what makes the ice cream creamy is the high content of butterfat. Who could argue against such a profundity? This is also what makes the ice cream more expensive. You are not going to save money by making your own. And just like any other food, ice cream can only be as good as the ingredients put into it. And yes, it IS a food. For this chocolate ice cream, I insist on using Lindt & Sprungli, Lindt Excellence Bars.

Oh, yeah. I do love Belcolade Bittersweet and Valrhona and Callebaut. Who wouldn't? But Lindt is my favorite chocolate on the whole planet. So there. If you are not yet familiar with chili-infused chocolate, prepare for a delightful surprise. I would describe this as a delicate suggestion of chili that sneaks up on you and bites you just enough to tease you. It is not nearly strong enough to burn or to hurt. Like the feminine perogative, it is only a tease, and the flavor is enough to satisfy our inner bitch.
RANDY BRANDY RAISIN CANDY ICE CREAM
Pink Elephants coffee Cafe
Makes 1 quart or slightly more

8 oz. dark chocolate (Lindt 85%, or 90%, or both)
1 1/2 cups whole milk
3/4 cup sugar
pinch salt
4 large egg yolks
1 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream
4 Tbsp. Christian Brothers or E&J Brandy
2 cups Boere Jongens
1/2 cup Lindt Excellence Chili Chocolate, chopped into small chips (optional)

1. Finely chop the 85% or 90% dark chocolate and put into a large bowl, place strainer on top lip of bowl and set aside.
2. In a larger bowl or the sink, make a bain marie (ice bath) to use later. You don't want the ice cubes so big that they tip the bowl on its side and get water in the chocolate. Water will make the chocolate seize, so, NO WATER IN THE CHOCOLATE.
3. In a medium saucepan with a heavy (thick) bottom, warm the whole milk, sugar and the pinch of salt.
4. In a medium bowl, whisk the egg yolks.
5. When the milk mixture is warm, SLOWLY pour almost half of it over the egg yolks, whisking constantly to warm them without cheesing them up. With a heatproof spatula, scrape this mixture back into the pan of remaining milk mixture and cook GENTLY, stirring constantly until the custard becomes thick and coats the back of the spatula (about 6 minutes).
6. Remove from heat and immediately pour through strainer over the chopped chocolate and quickly stir the custard pressing it through the strainer, and then stir the mixture with the chocolate until the chocolate is melted and smooth. Discard the lumpy custard residue that's in the strainer, rinsing it off immediately with hot water, not letting it harden in the wire mesh. Immerse into hot, soapy water to clean. I can't stress that enough.
7. Whisk the heavy cream and the brandy into the mixture. Place the bowl on top of the ice water bath and, holding the bowl safely upright with one hand, stir until cooled (10 min.).
8. Pour into an airtight container and chill in refrigerator 8 hours, or overnight.
9. Remove from fridge and, if the custard is too thick to pour, just whisk it until it is smooth again and proceed.
10. If using, chop the chili chocolate pieces very small and set aside.
11. Freeze the custard in your ice cream maker according to manufacturer's instruction, about 23 minutes. Pour into large bowl and stir in the chili chocolate pieces and the 2 cups brandied raisins. (It is tempting to use more chocolate chips, but this ice cream really hardens and more chocolate would make it difficult to scoop neatly into a nice, round shape, and the flavor would be too rich. We are aiming for nuances of flavor and texture.)
12. Pour the mixture into a plastic, airtight container and put into the freezer for 8 hours or overnight.
13. Let sit at room temperature for a little over 5 minutes to soften before you scoop and serve.
Note: I've never managed to hang onto them long enough to know for sure, but the raisins should keep in a cool, dry cupboard for about three months in airtight glass jars.

8

Butter-Cinnamon Cookies, 2 Ways

Fingered Faeries....

Two Ways. And I don't mean an evening with Bill Maher,...the l'il dickens. Nosiree, this is with REAL ladies.

Forked Fatties.......

Life is full of hassles. And there are times when having to choose between two of anything is simply more than we can bare. Yes, I spelled that right. If it's something more than we can BEAR, then we buy both pairs of shoes.
Darling televangelist Joyce Meyer wrote a book "Eat The Cookie, Buy The Shoes". Oh, I quite agree.
But that one kid I'd like to thump like a red-headed step-child was always singin' 'bout how he wished he were an Oscar Mayer wiener. Weenie Boy! Yeah, that's him.

Crumbly.

Choices,folks. We carry some strange baggage away with us from childhood. There was Grandma with a tin ear, singing her heart out in church about Bringing In The Jeeves. It scared the hell outta me. That wasn't singing. That was catterwailing ! Good God, whoever told that woman she could sing? ... Bless her heart.
Our childhoods were rife with Grimm's fairy tales, and very dark nursery rhymes about some little priss on her tuffet alongside the duffet of an impudent spider, and a mean old witch, deep in the woods, putting brother and sister up with lock and key for to eat them later, and some impoverished brood mare who didn't have the sense to choose a decent shoe to live in. Oh yeah, and Scotland's Burning. (What was THAT all about, anyway?) It's a wonder that we grow up able to make choices without fear of the Boogie Man slapping us around while The Powerful One watches over us and does nothing about it. ...
I was a serious child who found it difficult to believe in anyone. After the big fat lie we all know as Santa Claus, I became an unforgiving, unrelenting little bitch who vowed revenge on any and all who would treat her like such an idiot. I sat on Santa's knee for a photo op at a ritzy corner store, pulled off his beard and gave him the stink eye. And I still have photos from that, somewhere in the house. ... Mother left them to me.

Hand-squished to mix thoroughly.

So, who's it gonna be,...Santa Claus or Weenie Boy? More choices. Those two need to get gone. See, there's a lot in life that They Who Say just don't get. Here's a tip from your Uncle Erle: It is probably for your own good.
Don't'cha hate it when they say that?..They who say. Here we go again. (See last month's posting with they who say; faggela cupcakes dressed up in their big girl panties and their Dixieland hats, rolling their eyeballs in boredom's dismay... And Irv changed into Erle. These guys don't mess around!...Fucking cupcakes.)
Yep, we get there....
Senility will come as a blessing. Because I can't seem to forget that one pert piece of schooled programming so eloquently hammered into my brain. And that is, that, life is a trick question with multiple choices, but you are only allowed to choose ONE. Anything else is an incorrect answer to all of life's problems. And once you kick that puppy, your mother will cause Hell to freeze over to convince you that no matter what choice you make, it will be incorrect. And why? Because she said so, that's why.
My, how they simplify these things.

Sundays after church at Grandma's house were anything but simple. In they would twaddle, the same six Dutch guests who seemed to find it painful to speak in front of a child. So they spoke Dutch like a throat disease because they thought I couldn't understand it. I couldn't, really, but I was good at pretending I did; tight-lipped with eyebrows raised. I had two choices: act like a lady, or be a punk and get their stern eyebrow with the flared nostrils, and the dry cough from choking on the jelly roll. Never a smile from Lodi. I never liked that old, spotted man because he dared to sit in Grandpa's chair and smoked cigars. Old Sputum Chaw-Chaw...I feel a nursery rhyme coming on....

The women wore the same sensible shoes, Sunday after Sunday, and those shoes always looked brand new. Tall and taller, they grouped and straggled in, wearing smooth, white gloves and hats with netting to hide their sunken eyes, and perfectly pressed dresses of Sunday finery. Even us little kids had to wear Sunday finery. It was an act of respect, you see. They wore rouge like clowns with rosacea and thin lips grimaced with the teensy application of Old Lady Red. And oh how they would gossip and sniggle and poot. You could tell. They would raise an eyebrow, purse the woodpecker lips and nod in knowing with those wide, freckled eyeballs to feign disapproval of that shameless hussy next door...Oh, yeah, right. As if some young, flat-footed floosie with a floy-floy was hot to trot for Old Sputum Chaw-Chaw. Oohh, Baby! Just hack up that loughie and chew on it awhile. 'Cuz, Honey, it makes me WET. Come on over here and let me count those polka dots. ....

BUTTER-CINNAMON COOKIES, 2 Ways
Adapted from Grandmother Jeanette's ancient recipe for butter cookies.
note: I have yet to see this recipe anywhere else. Only three ingredients. Then I added the cinnamon to see if they would taste like cinnamon/sugar toast. Oh yeah!
2 cups plain flour
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
2 sticks unsalted butter, softened just enough to beat
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup slivered almonds
Powdered sugar, for dusting Fingers

1. Take butter from fridge, unwrap and empty into bowl of stand mixer, fitted with the paddle attachment. Let soften at room temperature for 1 or 2 hours. It should only be soft enough to be beaten with the paddle.
2. On medium-low speed, beat the butter until creamy. Add sugar and beat until light and fluffy up to medium speed, about 2-3 min., scraping bowl to incorporate all. Set aside.
3. In separate bowl, measure out flour and ground cinnamon and stir to combine well. Add this mixture to butter/sugar mixture in two increments on lowest speed. Mix ONLY UNTIL CRUMBLY, having scraped down the sides of bowl to mix all.
4. Remove bowl. With hands, mix the dough by squeezing together until dough forms a ball and bowl is clean. Squeeze just a little more for good measure. If your hands run hot, or the butter was too soft, or you over mixed with the paddle to past the crumbly stage, place bowl with dough in the refrigerator to firm for 1/2 hour. You will be rolling the dough into tight little balls for Fatties, and rolling out the dough to use a cookie cutter or a knife to make "fingers" for Faeries.
5. Preheat oven to 350F. Line four or five baking sheets with parchment paper.
6. Take one third of the dough and make small, tight balls the size of small walnuts, placing them 2" apart on lined baking sheets. Dip fork lightly into small plate of flour and, only once per cookie, press each cookie to sort of flatten. The sides will be fatter and slightly higher than centers, about 1/4". Take one third, each, of remaining cookie dough and form into disks. Between 2 sheets of lightly-floured wax paper, roll out to 1/8"-1/4" thick. Remove top piece of wax paper and using cookie cutter or small sharp knife, cut out oval-ended ladyfinger shapes (I made mine 4 1/2" long by 1 1/4" wide using a cookie cutter), and using a bent metal spatula, gently place on lined baking sheets about 1" or more apart, long ways, 3-4 cookies across. Sprinkle with slivered almonds.
7. Bake for 10-15 min., depending on your oven. Know your oven! If it is fan-forced like my Gaggenau, 10-11 min. is just right. You are looking for light golden brown. LIGHT, but golden. At "golden" the flavor sings!
8. Remove from oven and let cool for 10 min. Remove Fatties to racks, but leave fingers on sheets. When fingers are completely cool, sprinkle with confectioner's sugar using a sieve and small spoon, or a sifter. The more the merrier for it is sheer bliss that melts in a bite like sweet air.