ARTISAN CHEDDAR-JALAPENO BREAD

In the forest where I live, as I write this, the rain is passing through. We have a Japanese house with tall, cathedral wood beam ceilings and a red metal roof. The acoustics are sweet for rain and excellent for music. Being here is every bit as cozy as is fresh, hot bread out of my own oven with the house heated up with heavenly aroma, as only an oven can do.
A late childhood friend of mine (a Buddhist monk who liked to drink too much) once told me that the best thing you can do when you have guests for dinner is to chop up some garlic and roast it in oil in a pan on the stove top so that the aroma will permeate the air, and it will be the first thing your guests will notice when they come inside. And it gives the impression that the cook knows what she/he is doing with the food. Yup, he actually said that.
The Monk and his family were my next-door neighbors from the time I was born until I was 9 years old. He went on to an interesting life of fighting for causes (and winning). He nearly lost his life when a hired hit man with a mac truck ran him down and left him for dead. He was the accountant who discovered the Cliff Robertson forgeries when he worked at Columbia, in the later 1970's. After the truck incident, he went into hiding until all was said and done in court. A few years later, he went to Tibet and lived in a monastery. He became a devout monk.
He passed away in 2008, which I learned from one of his sisters, who passed away two months later. And 2 months after that, my mother passed away. And then there were 7 more. Marching ants who marched no more.
One tends to get a bit shook when they lose their support system. One fellow blogger suddenly lost her husband, recently, and it was damned unfair. Young and in love with their whole life ahead of them. Gone in a nano second. One thing I was able to do for her while unable to do it for my own grief was to cry. Some people need to be cried for. Whether they are aware of it or not, our compassion goes out to them as comfort upon atmospheric ripple. We send, they receive. Just like radio waves.
Tell me, readers, do you ever use garlic in such a manner? They should make garlic incense!

My dad loved to cook. He once concocted The Perfect Chili. Something drove him to experiment, and he finally ruined the chili with peanuts. They tasted like soap chips. I hate peanuts in my food, and I wouldn't have put it beneath my dad to use soap chips and fib that they were peanuts....Ya had to be there. He had a very strange sense of humor. Dad had every spice there is in his kitchen but he hated salt and wouldn't buy it. His salt shaker from the days when I lived there was empty, save for a funky little lump of it, 20 years old, at the bottom. And every time I visited for Thanksgiving, he would set that som'bitch in front of me at the table. Don't you think it is rude to refuse to have salt in the house when he knows that I use it, and I drive four hours, one way, to see him and share Thanksgiving? One year, he added a dead date beetle to that salt shaker with its lump of old salt. Date beetles look like cockroaches with heads. I pretended not to notice. Instead, the joke was on him because I had a packet of salt in my pocket and I emptied the salt into his cup of coffee. Yup, he had that possum thing going on.Funniest face he ever made. The following Thanksgiving, that salt shaker was gleaming clean and filled with fresh salt.
When food has to be politically correct, I will draw the line and dare you to cross it. If I wish to salt my food, that's MY business and it isn't your place to harass me for it when I'm eating. If I want a cigarette and go outside to smoke it, don't complain about it. Because if you then come to my house and complain about the smell of smoke or feign an imaginary allergy, I will put you outside in the snow and the biting cold just to show you, firsthand, what a smoker goes through just to respect your space. But would you get it? Hell no, because naggers are weak in character. If you are not a meat eater and you have been invited for dinner and the hostess doesn't know that you are so special, a Buddhist monk will tell you to shut up about it and eat the meal which has been so graciously prepared for everyone. It won't kill you to eat the meat and show some manners. Just shut the fuck up.
I used to think that bread was a food that everyone could agree on. But, noOOOooo, here come the gluten-free girls. There are plenty of foodie blogs that feature only gluten-free recipes. Mine is not one of them. However, I would highly recommend Helene at Tartelette and Maria at Scandi Foodie.

This particular bread is Mr. P's favorite. Where we live, one could only find it in the bakery at the supermarket. Our only supermarket. And it isn't cheap. So, it was one of those treats that he would only buy if the price came down a couple of dollars. And then, for unknown reason to us, they stopped carrying it for a couple of years. So, one day I decided to surprise him and, boy, was he ever. It was love at first bite when he proclaimed, "This is IT!..This is IT!" And so this went into my recipe book of IT's.
This type of artisan bread isn't really for bread loaf pans, but it does work, made beautiful with the slashes on top. If you aren't careful not to put too many pieces of jalapeno and cubes of cheese in it, the bread could turn out raw in the middle. It's a crapshoot for me because my convection oven bakes too hot, so I try to remember to put the heat 5 degrees cooler after preheating at 450F.
Because I'm a klutz with sticky stuff, I tend to use a parchment sheet sprinkled with cornmeal place underneath the loaf and on top of the pizza stone. When finished, I transfer it from the oven and onto a wire cooling rack with a big peel,(a big, fat, round spatula).You'll get much better results by preheating the pizza stone and placing the dough ball directly on it with the peel, dusted with cornmeal. It is disheartening to get the perfect, dark-golden top crust only to find the bottom not cooked as well and in need of 10 more minutes of baking, which would only burn the top crust. So, try not to be a pussy like me, omit the parchment, and put that puppy directly onto the stone baker.... if you can do this without the dough sticking to the peel and driving you into a Peter Sellers' moment in your kitchen. Remember his movie "The Party", the scene in the bathroom with the wet painting? Sometimes, that's what it's like when you hang out with me in the kitchen, or at the supermarket, reaching to the rear of the top shelf for the last jar on sale.
These photos are from three different batches, beginning with the round I'd forgotten to slash on top. It was still delicious and perfectly baked, but not as arty as it could be.

ARTISAN CHEDDAR-JALAPENO BREAD
Pink Elephants coffee Cafe
Adapted from "Artisan Bread in Five Minutes A Day" by Jeff Hertzberg,M.D. & Zoe Francois
note: I highly recommend this book. A pleasure for the experienced and a "must have" for novices.

Boule (Artisan Free Form Loaf):
3 cups lukewarm water, 100F temperature
1 Tbsp. plus 1 1/2 tsp. granulated yeast
1 Tbsp. plus 1 1/2 tsp. course sea salt
6 1/2 cups unsifted, unbleached, all-purpose flour (scoop and sweep, do not pack it)
Cornmeal for pizza peel or parchement paper cut to size on pizza stone.

Filling:
2 cups medium cheddar cheese, cut into 1/2" cubes
1 small can jalapeno peppers, sliced (and then cut into 1/2" pieces)
Discard any carrots and completely drain jalapenos of juice, dry peppers on paper towel.

note: As soon as you are finished chopping jalapenos and cubing cheese, if you use a wood cutting board, you must clean it a little deeper than the surface to prevent bacterial growth that could make you deathly ill. Wet the board and sprinkle with salt until coated. Let stand until dry, about an hour, and then rinse off under faucet thoroughly and let stand to dry. I do this about twice a month, and after any time I use it for meat.

1. Warm the water to 100F if using filtered water. If from the faucet, adjust the temperature of the flow until your digital thermometer reads 100F. The warm water will help to rise the dough to the right point for storage in 2 hours. You can use cooler water for the same result, but then the rise will take about 3 or 4 hours.
2. In large bowl, measure out the 6 1/2 cups flour. Set aside. In large bowl of electric mixer
add the yeast and salt to the water and mix with a fork. The book says not to worry about mixing it perfectly, but I do it anyway.
3. Add all the flour at once. Turn mixer speed on low for a minute, and only to a little faster speed to mix the ingredients until just combined, about 1 or 2 minutes. In a large, clean bowl,plop in the ball of dough. Again, DO NOT KNEAD.
note: The recipe book says to mix with a wooden spoon and a high-capacity food processor. I don't have a processor and my shoulder is permanently messed up and I can't hand mix the mass of dough. So, phooey, an electric mixer is fine. Just don't over mix, and be careful when clearing the dough from the hook and the bowl so that you don't squeeze/knead it or even pieces of it.
Cover the bowl with foil and let stand to rise for 4 hours.
4. You can put it in the refrigerator for this process, or leave it on the counter. The book advises less experienced bread bakers to let it rise in the fridge as it will be less sticky and easier to handle. A longer rising time, say 5 or even 6 hours, won't hurt the outcome. Don't use a damp tea towel to cover because, if you forget the time, the dough goo will ruin the towel because you won't be able to get it out. And whatever you use for covering the bowl or container, make sure it isn't airtight or else it might explode. You could say that rising dough tends to fart a lot.
5. If you are going to use parchment, measure it to cut with a 1" overhang on the baking stone.
Sprinkle with cornmeal, rubbing it into a circle. If not using the parchment, sprinkle the cornmeal onto the baking stone and evenly onto your work surface.
6. When dough is risen and ready, pull away a piece big enough for your loaf, cloak it with flour, and roll it out gently on your workspace to an oval rectangle. Toss your cheese and jalapeno slices over the entire shape and then quickly roll up and form into a loaf and place tuck side down. It will even out in the baking.

7. Let the dough rest for 40 minutes. To get the oven good and hot, preheat the oven to 450F at this time. It will take 20-35 min. to preheat. The dough will rise a little while resting, and rise some more in the oven. Place baking stone in oven to preheat, sprinkled with cornmeal.
8. When it is time to put the dough in the oven, generously sprinkle flour where the slashes are to go. With a large, very sharp, serrated knife and, AT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE, quickly and deftly slash only once per line 1" into the dough. Bread bakers use what is called a lame (laMAY) for this purpose. You can slice a tic tac toe square of crossing lines, or a cross, or across from side to side about 2" or more apart.
9. Dip your fingertips into a small bowl of water and lightly flick it at the loaf, then place in oven on the pre-heated baking stone, using a peel or parchment.
The recipe calls for using a sliding oven pan with water in it, underneath the rack the bread will bake on. I have a convection oven that utilizes such a pan, and if I don't put water in it, any food will dry out and/or burn.
10. Bake for 25-30 minutes. If your oven cooks way hot, reduce the temperature to 425F and bake for only 25 min. To remove from oven, use peel and transfer the bread to a wire cooling rack. If you used parchment over the stone, remove with stone, or use peel.

Remaining dough in fridge will keep for a week, just do not use an airtight lid. One batch will yield 3 small rounds, 2 large artisan ovals, 2 loaves baked in bread pan, or 2 big rounds.

We Enter Into October........

...............................Cheese Enchilladas....................................

Fall stepped in to stay hello...yes, I mean 'stay'... with early morning showers and an orange, otherworldly light, and the acrid smell of forest fires far away. I usually sleep through September, until I am freed by the Autumnal equinox. It's been a thing since I was born. If you pay attention to the others standing in line at the supermarket, you will see lots of yawning and passive complaint about how tired they all are and how they just don't understand it.
We sort of look forward to Halloween, if only to make the leather bouquets for our spouse.Then there will be Octoberfest, and Vikings Day, and Thanksgiving and Christmas, or Festivus, or take your pick, the season will be everywhere. At this point, I dread thinking of New Year's and those painful shoes. We usually choose to stay home in our bunnies and drink hot cocoa.
Enter in: The Changing Of The Menu...."It's not all plaques and hams, you know."- The Simpson's
Those cold nights creep in after a sunny day, and no one is thinking about crispy green salads and fruit sorbet. Mr. P stops requesting light dinners and the favorite fruits and vegetables are ready for Harvest. The pumpkin gets made into cupcakes, dressed in foreign liners, wrapped in black feather boas, batting their shameless hussy eyes, marching along the counters in their finery like lesbians on parade. Lipstick sisters. Hey, we all have an inner bitch.
The shopping cart gets filled with the flour, butter, sugars and spices , and our freezers see a new neighborhood of beef, sausages, pork, bacon, and some vanilla ice cream for the pie you will be sneaking for breakfast. It's a treasure under the glass cake dome, kept full with muffins, cupcakes, sweetbreads, artisan breads, coffee cake, and "Of Course" cake.
The gallon glass jar stays filled with cookies, and biscotti deja vu. Well, cookies are food. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!
Living in the mountains, the weather does delight with four distinct seasons. But, only a flatlander would predict the weather. There are some years when the snow comes early and the tourists complain the summer turned into winter after it took them 11 hours to get here. Their plans are to fish, camp out, stay on houseboats at the lake, rent kayaks and do rafting down the river, they windsurf and they water ski and they buy up all of the beer. Then they have to leave because a serious fire breaks out, or the rains come and block the highway with avalanches. Yup. All sorts of things can take a turn around. Whaaaaa. "The fishie won't bite my line, Daddy. All it will do is float".
Say what hunters will about the pure experience of hunting, I still say that there's no good reason to take a critter's life when there is food already at the store. To kill for the sake of bagging a buck seems a bit psychopathic. Not on my land you don't.
Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to stop the mountain lions from taking down a deer in the middle of the night. A couple of weeks ago, they took down two, and one of those huge, slow, furry flies inside my windowsill was a major clue. They are wicked-looking and they only come around for one reason; the corpse. I say,"Get your kitty-cat ass outta here and go steal some kibbles from a neighbor....BAD kitty!"
The Mexicans tell me that cat is delicious meat. "The other white meat". Back in the 1980's there was a taco shack that got raided for using cat meat in their tacos, right around the same time they busted a fried chicken establishment, in Ohio or Massachusettes, for deep-frying gerbils. Somebody always gets a fresh idea and turns a profit cuz the rats are free.
In North Carolina, they sell bumper stickers that read "Eat More Possum". See, you can't blame The Mexicans for everything, ya know...."Where the peckerwoods eat possum"...Sounds like an ad for tourism. And what a restaurant review that would be! Right alongside of Sweet Sugar Belle's tutorial of how to make and decorate Roadkill Cookies. See? Blogs can be FUN. No kidding, though, Sugar Belle is a real person and she is my favorite cookie artist. She's got a website, so, check out her stuff if you like. She is amazing with cake art, too.
Boy, that's a platter of goodness to take to a snooty gallery reception. Walk right in, dressed like Jackie O. with the elegance of Grace-fucking-Kelly and graciously help dress the table with a platter of Roadkill Cookies.

So, what is this magic of Autumn? In October, you got dead skunks in the middle of the road and the bears start eating meat. That's when you DON'T want to take a bear for its meat. Cooking said bear in the house, you'll have the stinkingest bag o'shit ever just ruin your house if the walls are wood. In November, ya travel who knows how far to spend a day with family you've managed to avoid all year, to collectively gorge on food until you look and feel like a pregnant platypus. And then you get to make the journey in traffic home, trapped in a car with no toilet near. Lovely holiday. I'm sure that figures into the fictitional pilgrims feasting with natives who didn't want them there, too stupid to make their own food. I'd like to know if anyone helped with the dishes.
Every so many years, my birthday falls on Thanksgiving. Do ya think they even care about a birthday? Nope. It's all about food, football and farting off.
Tis the season to squeeze your wallet when Christmas comes around. Go away. Nobody home.
This post is with recipe for cheese enchilladas, my way. Lots of compliments on this one. If you can't handle the chili pepper slices, omit them. No big whoop.
If you want to do chicken with this dinner, I have included an easy recipe. Some may have a hard time with two entrees plus rice, with all the red sauce. I would advise to make the chicken plain. But today, somebody bought the wrong can at the store and I must do something with it. I'll just add it to my cauldron and....
I do have recipes for enchillada sauce from scratch. Today, I don't have all the ingredients.So, here is my 'secret' sauce: Las Palmas Enchillada Sauce, Medium Hot. It really is cool to have a few cans handy in your pantry. I have reached the point to where it is all I'll use anymore.

If you choose to make this chicken, better start it first. The chicken bakes for 1 hour, maybe 15 minutes more. The enchilladas bake for 20 to 25 minutes. The rice simmers for 25 minutes. And the beans, put in the oven, take about 10 min., unless they are still in the crockpot.

VERY HOT SPICY CHICKEN
Pink Elephants coffe Cafe

4 large chicken thighs
1 28-oz can Las Palmas Enchillada Sauce, Picante Hot
1 smallish yellow onion, sliced thick or thin, as you like

Spray square casserole dish with non-stick spray. Spoon in 1/3 of the sauce to cover bottom of dish. Place chicken on top (with or without skins. as you like). Pour the remaining sauce over the chicken to cover. Add onion slices, submerging using your fingers to coat the onions in sauce. Bake at 375F, uncovered, for 1 hour or up to 15 min. more.

note: It is easy to get confused by the labels on the cans, all of them the same color. Make sure you don't get Chile Colorado Sauce by accident. There really is that much of a difference.

ZATARAIN'S NEW ORLEANS STYLE SPANISH RICE
1 14.5-oz. can diced tomatoes, with every drop of the juice
To make an excellent, tangy Spanish rice, use only Zatarain's. Follow the instructions on the box. It is the ONLY Spanish rice I will cook.

LINDA'S CHEESE ENCHILLADAS
Pink Elephants coffee Cafe

8-14 corn tortillas, depending on the size of your casserole dish ( 7 1/2" x 11 1/2" for eight
enchilladas)
1 medium serrano chili
2 medium to large yellow wax chilies (quantity according to heat tolerance)
8 1/4" or thinner slices of mozarella, or Cacique, or Jack or cheddar cheese, or a mixture with the mozarella, sliced in half, lengthways
1 19-oz. can Las Palmas Enchillada Sauce, Medium Hot
Vegetable oil for par-frying the corn tortillas

Preheat the oven to 375F if chicken isn't already baking.
Slice cheese and peppers thinly.

1. In skillet, heat up to 1/4" vegetable oil to medium high. When very hot, partially fry the tortillas just until right before they can turn hard, on both sides each. Stack on a plate and let cool a few minutes.
2..Pour whole can enchillada sauce into a large frypan. No heat. Using hands, dip each tortilla generousy in the sauce and put on a bigger plate. Sprinkle the sliced chili peppers across the tortilla making sure to evenly space 3-4 serrano slices per enchillada, and a smattering of the yellows. Place cheese on top, running legthways with the line of pepper slices. Roll it up and place into casserole dish that has been ladled with some of the sauce on the bottom. Place them seam-side down.The enchilladas will become a tight fit and you will put the last two against the longside of the casserole at ends of the other enchilladas. Pour the remainder of the sauce over the encilladas to cover as much as possible, maybe using a spoon to baste-cover.

6. Bake , covered for 15 min. Remove cover and sprinkle garnish cheese, and put in oven for 10-15 more minutes, uncovered.

If you like, you can garnish the plated enchilladas with green onion slices and chopped, hard-boiled egg.

The "Puppet Men" by yours truly; Linda Odekirk Tewes. Sculpture/mixed media.
3rd Place - Annual Juried Show 2011, October 1st, Highland Art Center, Weaverville, CA

Skull Sconce sculpture in ceramic clay by yours truly, cooked in a fire pit.
For the "Altars" show, Lee Fong Ranch show, October 2001.

Barkety-Assed Dog...

Do you have One Of Those neighbors nearby with a dog that barks incessantly like a broken record? One-note Johnnies, they are.
Winter melts away, the warm weather moves in when Springtime comes and ya just have to throw those windows open and enjoy the sweet breezes while they clear out the winter musties and fill your house with intoxicating scents. Scotch Broom is amazingly pungent along with the jasmine and the damp green grasses while the subtle scents of cedar and pine kiss the air and stake their claim of presence evergreen. You stand at the window, close your eyes for transport to the clouds, point your pretty nose upward to sniff and....,"Arp!..Arp!..Arp!..Arp-arp-arp! Arp! Arp! Arp-arp-arp! Arp! Arp! Arp-arp-arp!"... Oh no. Another 7 months of that, just like the years before this.
There is nothing and no one out there to bark at. Neurotic Terrier mix. Close up the windows and crank up the stereo in self-defense. There are two dogs, but only The One barks. When the neighbors return home, it sounds like a kennel. I have tried talking to her before. One of the other neighbors across the street called the cops on her and she seemed genuinely hurt. No remorse for having driven the neighbor crazy by not training her dog. But you see, people who have such a dog usually don't hear their own dog bark, or it doesn't bother them so what's YOUR problem? You are The Bad One for complaining. So, what we have here is a Terrier mutt with a 'tude and a neighbor who doesn't give a shit. Lovely.
I adamantly refuse to call the cops on my neighbor for a barking dog. I will throttle the dog before I'll go to the cop shop and whine, "The doggie is barking at me." Pick your battles wisely because, that is an act of insanity. Still, some people do it when they can't stand another day of it and they have run out of valiums and their doctor is looking at them sideways when they ask for yet another refill.
But that part of it isn't my story. Every day, that mutt says the same thing, over and over. If he can bark so much, why can't he learn a new word? (Spellchecker does not like the word "valiums".)
Back in my mother's old neighborhood in Montecito, every neighbor had a barking dog. Three in a row across the street had Golden Retrievers. And all day long, every day without fail, every dog on that street barked non-stop. And at night, one neighbor with Dobermans kept her dogs outside and those two would bark all night long. Rarely peace and quiet, and always the sleep deprivation. Mother called the homeowners' association when the police and the dogcatcher wouldn't come out. The man insulted her intelligence with," Why don't you get a hobby, lady?" What was it about law enforcement and disturbing the peace?
And then, one day, Mama snapped into a zillion pieces out on the patio and started barking back. What fresh hell was this? Not exactly a Kodak moment. I was scared that one of those neighbors would call the police on her. But then, just wait a doggone minute. They don't care if the dogs bark, so why would they arrest a barking human? Because a dog's gotta bark and a human needs a cup of shut up.
"BARKETY-ASSED DOGGIE, YOU HEATHEN SOM'BITCH!"
There. Okay, I feel better now. Some days you jes' need to cuss 'em.

Well? What would YOU do?

Not every great recipe is 100% down home scratch. Sometimes we experiment with a store bought box, or bag, can or jar ingredients that just can't be equalled or improved at home on the range. So we compromise and keep it a secret and act like the fucking Queen of Quinoa in her hippie trippy kitchen of wholesome Green. But, I am a blabbermouth with a food blog and it's not exactly my mission to do this on a need-to-know basis. When I bake, I gotta share the beater love.
This recipe got its beginnings the other night, when I discovered an unopened bottle of jerk sauce on the lowest shelf in the refrigerator door. Can't remember what I'd bought it for, as I don't usually do bottled sauces or jerk meat. Worcestershire, yes. A-1, BLEAH no. Hot oils and garlic oil, oh yeah, but, except for the Worcestershire and Mongolian Hot Oil, I make my own. So I opened the bottle of jerk sauce and fell in love with the thoughts of what I could make with it.
Mr. P was crawling into bed for the night, but I had to take it in there and have him whiff it.He is used to this sort of outburst of glee. And, oh yeah, he loved the smell of it. Actually, we kept taking turns smelling it because it was quite the surprise. It immediately went on my list of "Do Something With That".
The next day, when there was 6 1/2 hours before he was due home from work but it felt like it was time to start getting dinner parts together. All I had was a leftover rump roast. It was Mr.P's idea to do a rump roast. I will only buy chuck roasts. And if this food talked, it would have been rude. I'm telling you, bitches, this thing really needed help. And not wanting to offend the starving children in Biafra, I had to make good use of it and not let it go to waste. Mr.P bought it to make Beef Dips. Enough is enough. Time for a change.
And then I remembered the jerk sauce. Dance of joy! Not just any old jerk sauce. This is World Harbors Blue Mountain Jamaican Style Jerk Sauce & Marinade, sweet & spicy. Whew! That was a mouthful. But couldn't I just leave it at that? NooOOOOoooo. Onions, olive oil infused Elephant Garlic, mushroom bits and slices, and the one thing to take it beyond mamsy pamsy 'spicy': the awesomely hot serrano chili. Let's give it some pluck and make it grow nads.

BLUE MOUNTAIN JERKED BEEF
An original from Pink Elephants coffee Cafe
Serves 4

Preparing the meat:
2# rump roast
Bake roast in 375F oven for one hour. Remove from oven, cover loosely with foil and let stand to cool down. If you like, you can put it in the refrigerator for 3 or 4 days. Cover tightly. It is easier to cut the rump after a night of chilling.

The Aside:
4 servings white Minute Rice
Cook rice according to instructions on the box.

The Marinade:
1 18-oz. bottle World Harbors Blue Mountain Jamaican Jerk & Marinade, sweet and spicy
1 small ripe serrano chili
1 small-to-medium yellow onion, sliced very thin
1 small can mushroom stems and pieces
10 VERY thin slices of Elephant Garlic, preferably infused with olive oil
One sploosh of truffle oil
1 1/2 tsp. black pepper (fresh cracked is always best)
1. Allowing 4 thin slices of meat per serving, slice cold roast very thin and place it in a shallow, large bowl, as like a cereal or soup bowl.
2. Pour 1/2 the jerk sauce over the beef slices making sure to stir it up and coat it completely, with extra sauce, as much will be absorbed in marination.
3. Slice the onion VERY thin (what is pictured here is really too thick), then halve the slices. Add to meat marinade mixture. Add the thin slices of Elephant Garlic ( do not add more than 2 tsp. of the garlic-infused olive oil ).
4. Slice quite thin, the serrano chili. You will need only 10-12 slices. Add to mixture.
5. Drain the can of mushrooms. Add 3/4's of the can to mixture.
6. Add in the black pepper and stir it all up, making sure everything is amply coated and evenly distributed.
7. Cover bowl with foil and place in refrigerator for 6 hours, stirring it up and turning the meat every hour reclosing the foil cover to put back in fridge.

8. When ready to heat up dinner, cook enough white Minute Rice for 4 or 5 servings. (Some people like more than a scoop of rice.) Follow instructions on the box.

9. While the rice in the pan sits for 5 min. until ready to fluff with a fork (make sure all of the water is cooked out), put the meat and marinade mixture in a non-stick frying pan on medium heat. (I used an electric skillet set between low and medium). Stir a little while frying to warm up the meat and marinade mixture, and let the onions, mushrooms and garlic slices caramelize somewhat, but you don't want the sauce to dry up.

Barbecued Smoked Beef Sausages

If you are like me, you have asked at least 32 people who barbecue to show you how, and to tell you the ratio of heat and time as compared to The Kitchen Way. They drew a blank. Every last one of them. I was beginning to think there was a secret fraternity of 'cue masters and I wasn't invited to join the club. But then I came to understand that it's about bringing to low coal and that the time ratio wasn't much different than The Kitchen Way. Watch the food to guard against burning or catching fire, and use a sheet of foil under delicate or small foodstuff. Cook to desired color but don't overcook and dry it out.
My late brother loved to do beer brats and jalapenos, but the meal I remember best was when he did steaks. During the final 10 minutes of cooking, he would coat them with honey and generously sprinkle on the freshly cracked black pepper. Now, I would do that in a heartbeat to lamb chops or pork ribs, but to put honey on an expensive steak is just plain weird. Brothers are weird. Go figure. By golly, by gum, these steaks were tender and tasty.
Jim was always on a honey kick. He made sure to eat two teaspoons full every...single...day. And by his standards, this was the healthy preventative maintenance he swore by. Our dad would also do that, but he insisted on adding two tablespoons of vinegar. He claimed that if you swallowed two tablespoons of vinegar first, you could eat spoiled, green, slimy meat and not get sick. And he proved it on step-mom. Let's just say that my fascination with the idea kept me from puking.I was fascinated that she didn't mind being the guinea pig for such a disgusting show-and-tell.See, step-mom was rich, she was elite. She was accustomed to the finer things in life. Honey and vinegar and green, slimy meat wasn't what she'd signed up for. If my own husband were to suggest such a thing, I would think he meant to murder me.
Another VERY WEIRD thing my brother would do is fill the bottom of a medium-sized jar with garlic cloves and then fill the jar with honey. Then he would sort of seal the jar with some foil and fit it with a rubber band, put it in a dark cupboard and let it sit for a month while the garlic infused the honey and sent little bubbles to the top. This goo was gamey! It reeked like dirty, smelly gym socks, every bit as nasty as mezcal. But'cha know what? It was the best stuff for glaze on barbecued pork ribs.
When Mr. P and I were younger and cute and still pitching woo, we delighted in sharing recipes and we usually used his barbecue grill. I decided to mess with him by making some of the honey and garlic goo for to baste and glaze some pork ribs, but not without having him take a huge whiff of it first. What a trooper! He didn't exactly grimace, but his nose scrunched up like a possum ready to sneeze while getting a piece of shit stuck in its teeth. Priceless. The true test is the taste, right? He loved it, so I gifted him with that jar of goo.
The course of a bachelor's life includes visitors, uninvited and unexpected, until it becomes expected but still uninvited. Among Mr. P's 'guests' were Morning Boy, who would arrive drunk at 10 a.m., and there was Golf Boy, who always left drunk before dark because his night vision isn't good. Our mountain roads don't have streetlights. There was one time when Morning Boy decided to bring an extra case of beer and stay for an early dinner. We decided on ribs and beans and garlic bread. Much to my secret delight, the mean streak came out and Mr. P had him take a whiff of the goo. Yup, there was that possum thing going on, although much more dramatic.He looked like he was going to cry and I had to stifle the snarkles of giggledom for having seen Mr. P's friend as a cartoon. What a wimp. He said it was "rude". Well, let's realign the social compass as to who was rude. Drunk by 10 a.m. isn't my cup of tea.

Sausage is like an art form of meat parts and fat. I never could get into Jim's beer brats. He loved his brats, and his smokes, and plenty of cold beer to drink. But no matter what type of sausage it is, it looks and tastes best when barbecued. The winner, hands down, is wild boar sausage, the kind you can only get from a friend who hunts. The stuff is so darned good that no one wants to share their stash of it. And the only way to get it yourself is to hunt the boar with bow and arrows. This can be dangerous if you only manage to wound the boar, as then he will hunt YOU down.

BARBECUED SMOKED BEEF SAUSAGE

note: A Weber kettle works best, but it isn't required.

1 package Hillshire Farm smoked beef sausage

1. Bring barbecue to a VERY low coal.
2. Turn sausage every 5 minutes for 30 minutes.
Note: If the coal isn't low enough it will burst into flames. If at correct very low coal, it will pop and split open in places, which is desirable, but it won't catch fire. Some charring is tasty and the color is desired.
Plate with a cold, green salad of your choice. You could add a serving of cooked green beans tossed in olive oil and lightly salted. If you are really hungry, a mound of buttered mashed potatoes is a very nice addition.